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FirstImpressionMade` 
Hello, welcome to my journal. TheName'sRuth` Turning20*On19May` IndeedSomeoneYouShouldn'tMiss` Syringe&NeedlesAreHerForte` FingersThatMeddleStringsOfaGuitar` LilStoriesOfHerLove-HateLife.` GoAhead,ReadOn&BeMesmerized!` YOUR HEAD LAH! Totally Zany eh? Well, Thats Me For You! CHEERS! hit counter script
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It would be very well appreciated if you did not touch this section. We all like honest people now, don't we. Layout: TM|DD Inspiration/icons: mintyapple&underwent |
 Wednesday, May 19, 2010|2:09 AMhappybirthdaytoME! so its my 21st today! i guess i'm happy but not as happy as i thought i'd would be. so many things have changed somehow. the way i looked at my life and how i wanted to live it, the kind of person i am and stuff. when i look back at what i've done over the last 20 years, all i can think of is being very playful and takin everything for granted. i usually learn things the hard way. I lived for the day and hardly even cared about the future and then i regretted - after i got my o'level results. I ended up doing something i least thought i'd do although it was something close but yet not so close to what i initially wanted to do - A Doctor. Now, a Nurse. But i wouldnt have wanted whatever happened any other way, because i've learned so much! The friends i've made and the people i met at work, it has some how taught me about the existence of the various kinds of people in this world. Its amazing how God actually works things in such wonderful ways and whatever He does has a reason behind it. I'm still a lil unsure as to what i'm suppose to do now but, i do know that this new chapter that has begun will bring new adventures and up&downs. I'm about to embark on a journey to a new place and that too alone. But i'm sure that'll be an exciting one. On a side note, I really do miss going for long walks , watching 2 movies back to back, brekkie, koi, going to night safari and singin Wannabe by Spice girls and basically hanging out. Call me childish, i dont care- i wish on this 21st that things would be how i wish it would be . happybirthdayRuth xoxo 
Sunday, May 09, 2010|12:03 AMPut to the test. Verdict: UNKNOWN i'm in one of my worst forms. i've stopped work just so i could take a break from the daily torture that nurses face. Everything was pretty much fine, till i finally drew the line, which i should have from the start of any form of relationship.( excluding my family.) All these wouldnt have happened if i had DRAWN THE FUCKING LINE! it's partially my mistake. Now, i've lost a few and counting maybe? and my gut feeling tells me it isnt over. & i dont wanna lose my best. my worst fear, loneliness. ( amazing how i'm even admitting it now). Its probably the only reason why i felt obliged to be nice to everyone cos it felt good to have everybody by my side. Now, No longer. but i've been in denial, clearly. i was extremely gullible. now its time to prepare to face my worst fear, because i have no doubt its round the corner. i dont know if i'm being self fish or am i just plain scared. not being able to saying it out loud or keepin it to myself, its a torture. i'd rather have consecutive fuckin bad days at work, at least then i'll have a few hours or days break in between from the shit before the cycle starts again. Please God , Hear my Plea and give me a chance to make things right again without having to hurt anyone in the process. but one thing's for sure, my limits have been set and it'll never change. i doubt i'll let anyone new in and never take things for granted. -i'm on my knees, please. xoxo
Wednesday, November 25, 2009|10:07 PMWants&Needs
->Rockin apartment ->Puppy ->Tongue pierced ->Tattoo ->DSLR ->AWESOME CLOTHES! ->Bags ->Shoes to go with the clothes of cos! more updates to come(= xoxo
Sunday, November 15, 2009|10:15 PMteach me right!
so, looks like this is my venting area. its the time of the month , well not exactly yet. in a day or two probably. and my hormones are raging! A LOT for that matter. i probably sound like a stupid teenager who is tryna get used to the " oh-i'm-growing-these-two-lumps-on-my-chest-and-i'm-always-getting-pissed-at-everyone!" idea. my thoughts are like scattered everywhere. and i'm finding hard to put them back to together in a sentence. i should go for english class or something. anw, thats not the point. point is, i'm probably the only traditional fool who reminisces bout the past. but only too often. looks like i've been sitting in the past way too long that i failed to realize that the people around me have moved forward but me, still sittin there talkin about how fun life was as a student. going on and on about how i miss being there and absolutely refuse to accept the fact that i'm actually a workin adult and when i face problems, i handle it the "student" way! whining away and scheming on how to "take her down" and in the process i might have lost a friend's friendship. you see, i'm all about the wonderful beautiful relationships i have with people and i get Extremely affected when it gets destroyed or disrupted. i'm tryin so effin hard to get over the whole student phase of my life, to move on and to think like an adult. ha, when i've finally realized that i was left behind , i felt like a fool. literally really. i wont say that there wasnt anyone who told me to stop the whole whining shit and move on , there certainly was, but i was just too stubborn to move & stood there being in denial. but when i'm hit real bad now, a couple of stuffs are at stake. Trust, careers , relations, confidence, health and what not? its fucked up and i'm facing it, like an adult. Although there are times when i go back to the scheming and whining person when i just cant take it. just for a bit, and then back to an adult. so whatever thats coming my way, i'll take it and gain the experience and learn NEVER to do it again. gaining back trust would take a long time, but i'm willing to wait a lifetime because i give a 100% to any friend who is close to my heart. aight cut the mushy talk, bottom line is i've gotta prove to myself and everyone that i'm mature enough to be taken seriously. so, LIGHT, Camera & ACTION! and there's NO CUT to this one baby! xoxo
Monday, August 31, 2009|11:35 PMDirty it up As much as i despise EMO/Childish Blog post, this post is actually gonna be of such! its been sucha long time aint it? anw, work's alright but i HATE( Abhor,DETEST,DISTAIN,LOATHE or any other word that can describe my hatred right now) WORKING. A LOT for that matter. i really dont know what else should i do. i have no other choice but to continue for the next 7 to 8 mths before i LEAVE FOR GOOD! i want that year's worth of experience. honestly i dont get why am i feeling this way. nope! not one bit. it pisses me off that i feel this way. its a weird feelin. i'm not sure if its the hormones. the kind where you feel the entire WORLD'S issue is on your shoulders and everyone is against you? and i totally appreciate my friends who have been listenin to my crap about how i dont like work and ON REPEAT MODE for that matter. i find it hard to let it go, to let go the fact that life is no longer like in school. i'm struggling and i'm afraid of comin out of the playful part of me. why you may ask, technically its the more confident side of me.( funny , i know). if not for that part of me, what remains is the serious and timid side which i totally hate! i love the happy go lucky feeling, but i hate it that people tend to get a lil extra strict with me cos of my playfulness. i wont deny that its human nature to do so. well, all i can say is that i'm currently livin in denial, which sucks. every time i wanna snap out of it, i go to that "Whatever" mode. right now, i just feel that i should just leave this country and Start afresh. new people , new environment, new identity and have no contact with old and current contacts. see what i mean ? So EMO ! Gawd! but honestly, if given a chance - I'd DO IT! DEFFO! i feel a lil better after pourin out this shit which i found hard to verbalize to anyone, not even my best friends. nope, dont know why . aight, i'm off. later peepz! xoxo
Saturday, June 27, 2009|5:20 PMShit balls! -= Current Muse | Mad - Neyo | My love is like Whoa - Mya =- its been Quite 'INTERESTIN' at work, recently. since last mon! made me "love" my job a lot more than i alrdy do! no doubts i have helpful staffs ( i'm not being sarcastic here ), but i just HATE the way I'M SO NOT organized which leave my fellow ppl laughin at me - Frustrated but SMILING. but i must say MY SKIN HAS GROWN SO DARN THICK, so Screw it! =) But rest assured, i'll get my freak on! Nuff bout my Insane W* life. Comin to the Sane part of my life : SHOPPIN! I so wanna buy two belts and i just might buy myself a new Phone! whats new huh ? anw, i'm thinkin of gettin HTC Snap! a random phone. as much as i wanna get HTC TOUCH PRO 2 , i cant ! i'll be BROKE in NO TIME. we'll see. and i seriously cant wait for my AL! gosh, JOY TO THE WORLD! AND I WANNA WATCH TRANSFORMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! probably just before my night shift! =) asked my bitchy bone friend to watch with me, but she just decided to reject my invitation and go for massage with another friend ,SUIT YOURSELF WOMAN! aight i'm off to catch True Blood - many thanks to Marianne! - in the hypocritical world` xoxo
Sunday, June 14, 2009|11:38 AMI'mBACK! WOW! its been really long huh ? haha its comin to almost 3 months! so yes, now i'm workin at sgh! in the wards for that matter. it was a lil difficult in the beginin, esp becos the whole settin is so very different. but, i must say despite all the difficulty , i made some good friends there. altho it can get reallly busy and crazy, with the fun peeps there, i guess its somehow worth it =) and of cos on the other i do MISS MY DEM PPL! but its so hard to meet up with them cos of the schedule and all , and whats worst the stupid H1N1 crap. oh wells. anw, life's been pretty cool. best of both worlds in a way! =) aight i gotta get running now, or i'll be late for my pm shift. till then. XOXO. xoxo
Monday, March 23, 2009|7:52 PM1st day of Work! okay right now, i'm feelin super hungry i could eat a monster! a HUGE one for that matter! =( and i have no dinner, gotta wait for mom to be back to cook. so here i am to distract myself. yes, it was my 1st day at work today. but its not like Work work, but more like lecture "work". its my orientation period now. for 21 days at both the patho lab and bestway building. gosh, i sure bet my Ass is gonna be sooooooo badly sore! i must say its extremely and i mean EXTREMELY wierd to be in a Staff Nurse uniform instead of the nyp's Blue patch uniform! people could easily tell that we're newbies, cos of all the giggles and what not ? but seriously, i was super tired today and i dont know how am i gonna wake up tmr morning.=( oh wells, despite all the tiredness, i actually exercised today! 1st step to fitness! =) aight i'm off to find another distraction, this is not helpin me very much. Later! xoxo
Saturday, March 07, 2009|3:24 PMMacBook Rocks my Socks! Oh my God! Its a FUNKY SHIT! seriously, i'm absolutely ecstatic with my new found TRUE LOVE! My MacBook! its hot and sexay! and honestly, i never thought i'd own one anytime soon. it all happened so fast. and if ya'll are wondering what happened to my HP lappy, WELL ITS GONE! GONE FOR GOOOOD BABY! hahaha. i sold it. but sadly, for a pretty low price. anw, who cares? i own a macbook now. its pretty easy to use i'd say. but i've yet to explore every nook and cranny of mac! haha. anw, been goin out lately! feels good to be out and kickin! but the weather's wierd boy, one day its rainin like crazy and the other is so freakin hot you could get burnt! oh wells, either ways, i'm still enjoyin myself. i cant believe i'll be startin workin like 2 weeks time or so. i went to collect my uniform on wed. i must admit, i feel wierd. i want scrubs!!! scrubs are sooooo darn comfy i say. it all depends on where i'm gonna be workin. which brings me to another point, Should i continue workin or Do my Degree in Aus ? i'm in sucha delimma when it comes to Applyin to the different Uni. and i'm sucha scatterbrain! everything is everywhere in my head and i cant seem to prioritize my stuffs ! i really must settle my stuffs asap! oh wells, we'll see how it goes. off to catch a movie! Ciao! xoxo
Thursday, February 19, 2009|11:13 AMIts been way too long... So its been close to 3 weeks since PRCP ended. what have i been doin recently? went out most of the time. sent my HP lappy for servicing which i collected not long ago and its back at the service centre yet again! LAPTOPS, i tell you! ARSES!! anw, i'm gonna sell off both my laptops. mom was tellin me to get a diff one, interestin choice i would say. MacBook. so yup, i guess i might be gettin that probably next month or so. gotta save up. sent my HTC DIAMOND for servicing too. sigh, techonology hates me! SO DO I!! oh wells, i'm soo bored these days. probably cos i havent been goin out. although i have many ppl askin me out, i dont exactly feel like goin out. given my situation, i cant either. sighh. aight, i'm aching right now. updates soonest. Ciao. xoxo
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